Post-Surgery Update

So, now I'm under a lot of pressure to say something profound. LOL. So many people were touched by my letter to Dorian. To all of you who sent me emails or told me what it meant to you, I am deeply honored that you responded to my writing. I simply said what I felt I needed to say, voiced the fears that I had, and thought about what I would want my son to know and the fact that I was able to give life to those thoughts was therapeutic beyond measure for me.

Yesterday was Mom's surgery and it was a better day than I thought it would be. Honestly, when I walked in the doors of the hospital, I felt like I was going to throw up. I told Trevor the night before that those days between the surgeon's appointment and the mastectomy felt like I was on a bad carnival ride, getting dizzy and sick, but I couldn't find my way out. As I sat in the waiting room, that feeling kept up, like the tilt-a-whirl was spinning me out of control. When you're in the surgical waiting area, it is virtually impossible to forget that cancer is happening to your family. And then Dr. Jew came out to speak to Dad and I. It would be impossible for me to explain to you, all of you who have not met Dr. Jew, how soothing she is, how she instantly makes the tilt-a-whirl stop and the pit of your stomach feel solid again. I have never met a person in my life who inspired so much confidence, who could make me feel so reassured in such a difficult situation. When she said that the surgery went well and that they "got it all" my head quit spinning and I finally breathed a sigh of relief. Yes, we still are waiting for the pathology report and the news it will bring, but for now, Dr. Jew's quiet confidence made me feel that the poison inside of my Mom was gone. That she had gone to battle for all of us and was triumphant. That, despite the despair that washed over us all on the initial news, Mom was no longer a breast cancer victim, but instead a breast cancer survivor.

Through it all, Mom was a trooper. While we led ourselves to believe that we were there to support her, she was really the one lifting us up and making us strong. I know this must be terribly hard for her. I know she must have moments where she breaks down and wonders why this is happening. But the face she shows us is that of a warrior and a hero.

Next is pathology. This will tell us what the evil cancerous cells were up to and how serious they were about their business. Dr. Jew says Mom's tissue was inflamed around the lump and that this means she was fighting the cancer. This gives us great hope that those gnarly little cells were confined only to that lump, that they had not spread. Regardless of what the pathology report says though, we will handle it and Mom will do whatever is necessary to beat the insidious beast down.