Okay, okay, I know I owe everyone sonogram pics. Soon, I promise. I have spent a vast majority of my time lately in doctor's offices and hospitals between mom's appointments and my owns. Good news on the mom front, her second drain should come out early next week and her PET scan was clear! Yay!
Not so good news for me. The results from my 3 hour glucose tolerance test were abnormal, so I have gestational diabetes. I have to go in next week and meet with a dietician and learn how to test my blood sugar. Four finger pricks a day. Oh boy. Until I meet with the dietician, no candy, no cookies, no cake, no fruit and no fruit juice. Sigh. Everyone please keep your fingers crossed that we are able to control this with diet and exercise so that insulin shots will not be necessary. I am not good with giving myself shots.
I am so bummed about this. My pregnancy has been great so far and I don't have a single risk factor for gestational diabetes, so this is really frustrating.
Of course, there are serious risks to me and the baby, but the good news is that gestational diabetes is highly treatable, so we should both be fine. :-)
Friday, December 29, 2006
Monday, December 11, 2006
Pathology Report and Imaginary Sonogram Pics
Mom's pathology report came back today and I am pleased to say that the news is good! Her tumor was 1.6cm, smaller than they thought, and out of 12 lymph nodes, only 1 showed any signs of cancerous cells! Next up is an appointment with an oncologist to see what the next step is. While we must be vigilant and know that we have to continue to battle the cancer, this is excellent news and quite a relief after the last few weeks of feeling scared and helpless.
On to our sonogram pictures . . . . Oh, wait, I can't post any sonogram pictures because Trevor left them at work on Friday and forgot to bring them home today as well. Bad Trevor! I will post pictures as soon as he brings them home, I promise. The doctor's appointment went well though, Dorian and I are progressing nicely. We start childbirth classes this week, so that should be fun. :-) Another update soon (with pics), I promise!
On to our sonogram pictures . . . . Oh, wait, I can't post any sonogram pictures because Trevor left them at work on Friday and forgot to bring them home today as well. Bad Trevor! I will post pictures as soon as he brings them home, I promise. The doctor's appointment went well though, Dorian and I are progressing nicely. We start childbirth classes this week, so that should be fun. :-) Another update soon (with pics), I promise!
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Post-Surgery Update
So, now I'm under a lot of pressure to say something profound. LOL. So many people were touched by my letter to Dorian. To all of you who sent me emails or told me what it meant to you, I am deeply honored that you responded to my writing. I simply said what I felt I needed to say, voiced the fears that I had, and thought about what I would want my son to know and the fact that I was able to give life to those thoughts was therapeutic beyond measure for me.
Yesterday was Mom's surgery and it was a better day than I thought it would be. Honestly, when I walked in the doors of the hospital, I felt like I was going to throw up. I told Trevor the night before that those days between the surgeon's appointment and the mastectomy felt like I was on a bad carnival ride, getting dizzy and sick, but I couldn't find my way out. As I sat in the waiting room, that feeling kept up, like the tilt-a-whirl was spinning me out of control. When you're in the surgical waiting area, it is virtually impossible to forget that cancer is happening to your family. And then Dr. Jew came out to speak to Dad and I. It would be impossible for me to explain to you, all of you who have not met Dr. Jew, how soothing she is, how she instantly makes the tilt-a-whirl stop and the pit of your stomach feel solid again. I have never met a person in my life who inspired so much confidence, who could make me feel so reassured in such a difficult situation. When she said that the surgery went well and that they "got it all" my head quit spinning and I finally breathed a sigh of relief. Yes, we still are waiting for the pathology report and the news it will bring, but for now, Dr. Jew's quiet confidence made me feel that the poison inside of my Mom was gone. That she had gone to battle for all of us and was triumphant. That, despite the despair that washed over us all on the initial news, Mom was no longer a breast cancer victim, but instead a breast cancer survivor.
Through it all, Mom was a trooper. While we led ourselves to believe that we were there to support her, she was really the one lifting us up and making us strong. I know this must be terribly hard for her. I know she must have moments where she breaks down and wonders why this is happening. But the face she shows us is that of a warrior and a hero.
Next is pathology. This will tell us what the evil cancerous cells were up to and how serious they were about their business. Dr. Jew says Mom's tissue was inflamed around the lump and that this means she was fighting the cancer. This gives us great hope that those gnarly little cells were confined only to that lump, that they had not spread. Regardless of what the pathology report says though, we will handle it and Mom will do whatever is necessary to beat the insidious beast down.
Yesterday was Mom's surgery and it was a better day than I thought it would be. Honestly, when I walked in the doors of the hospital, I felt like I was going to throw up. I told Trevor the night before that those days between the surgeon's appointment and the mastectomy felt like I was on a bad carnival ride, getting dizzy and sick, but I couldn't find my way out. As I sat in the waiting room, that feeling kept up, like the tilt-a-whirl was spinning me out of control. When you're in the surgical waiting area, it is virtually impossible to forget that cancer is happening to your family. And then Dr. Jew came out to speak to Dad and I. It would be impossible for me to explain to you, all of you who have not met Dr. Jew, how soothing she is, how she instantly makes the tilt-a-whirl stop and the pit of your stomach feel solid again. I have never met a person in my life who inspired so much confidence, who could make me feel so reassured in such a difficult situation. When she said that the surgery went well and that they "got it all" my head quit spinning and I finally breathed a sigh of relief. Yes, we still are waiting for the pathology report and the news it will bring, but for now, Dr. Jew's quiet confidence made me feel that the poison inside of my Mom was gone. That she had gone to battle for all of us and was triumphant. That, despite the despair that washed over us all on the initial news, Mom was no longer a breast cancer victim, but instead a breast cancer survivor.
Through it all, Mom was a trooper. While we led ourselves to believe that we were there to support her, she was really the one lifting us up and making us strong. I know this must be terribly hard for her. I know she must have moments where she breaks down and wonders why this is happening. But the face she shows us is that of a warrior and a hero.
Next is pathology. This will tell us what the evil cancerous cells were up to and how serious they were about their business. Dr. Jew says Mom's tissue was inflamed around the lump and that this means she was fighting the cancer. This gives us great hope that those gnarly little cells were confined only to that lump, that they had not spread. Regardless of what the pathology report says though, we will handle it and Mom will do whatever is necessary to beat the insidious beast down.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
The Angel of Hope
Dear Dorian,
On Thursday, November 30th, your grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer. On Friday, December 1st, we learned that the cancer was fast growing and that immediate surgery was the best option. On Monday, December 4th, my best friend, your grandmother, will undergo a mastectomy. She will do this, take the most aggressive treatment option possible, because she does not want to live in fear, because she will conquer cancer, because she wants to hold you, again and again, as you grow up. She will do this because she is fiercely brave.
Right now, we are all scared. We face uncertainty as to what stage the cancer is at until we receive the pathology report. We face that sensation that things like cancer "don't happen to us." I face the darkest fear possible, that I might lose my mom. And I think of you. And I think of how many years of joy and wonder you will experience with your grandmother. And I feel a renewed sense of faith and purpose and I know that she will beat this, that there is no reason for me to fear that I will lose her. Because I won't. We won't. We will beat this. We will walk this dark path together and we will come out in the light.
I am scared for so many reasons. I thought I knew something about breast cancer. It turns out I know so little. I am scared that my risk is now increased. And I promise, for your sake, that I will do my monthly self-exams every month for the rest of my life. I hope that any woman who reads this will do the same. Please remember, the mammograms are wonderful, but they are not enough.
And I am glad that your middle name will be Remiel, the angel of hope. You give me hope. You give her hope. You are an angel to us.
Love,
Mom
On Thursday, November 30th, your grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer. On Friday, December 1st, we learned that the cancer was fast growing and that immediate surgery was the best option. On Monday, December 4th, my best friend, your grandmother, will undergo a mastectomy. She will do this, take the most aggressive treatment option possible, because she does not want to live in fear, because she will conquer cancer, because she wants to hold you, again and again, as you grow up. She will do this because she is fiercely brave.
Right now, we are all scared. We face uncertainty as to what stage the cancer is at until we receive the pathology report. We face that sensation that things like cancer "don't happen to us." I face the darkest fear possible, that I might lose my mom. And I think of you. And I think of how many years of joy and wonder you will experience with your grandmother. And I feel a renewed sense of faith and purpose and I know that she will beat this, that there is no reason for me to fear that I will lose her. Because I won't. We won't. We will beat this. We will walk this dark path together and we will come out in the light.
I am scared for so many reasons. I thought I knew something about breast cancer. It turns out I know so little. I am scared that my risk is now increased. And I promise, for your sake, that I will do my monthly self-exams every month for the rest of my life. I hope that any woman who reads this will do the same. Please remember, the mammograms are wonderful, but they are not enough.
And I am glad that your middle name will be Remiel, the angel of hope. You give me hope. You give her hope. You are an angel to us.
Love,
Mom
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Pics from Thanksgiving!
I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! We certainly did! We traveled to St. Louis for Thanksgiving and had a great time! Much turkey was eaten and football was watched and naps were taken!
On Saturday, Kathy hosted my very first baby shower. It was absolutely lovely and I can't gush enough about everyone's generous gifts and the fun party games that we played! Many, many, many thanks to Kathy and to Melinda, who planned everything to perfection and ensured that we all had a wonderful time! We received an exersaucer, stroller, many adorable outfits and blankets, lots of practical baby care items, albums and scrapbooks and much, much more. Dorian is going to be one spoiled baby!
Here are a few pics from the weekend. I shall post more shower pics soon. :-)
On Saturday, Kathy hosted my very first baby shower. It was absolutely lovely and I can't gush enough about everyone's generous gifts and the fun party games that we played! Many, many, many thanks to Kathy and to Melinda, who planned everything to perfection and ensured that we all had a wonderful time! We received an exersaucer, stroller, many adorable outfits and blankets, lots of practical baby care items, albums and scrapbooks and much, much more. Dorian is going to be one spoiled baby!
Here are a few pics from the weekend. I shall post more shower pics soon. :-)
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Trevor Gives Birth!
To a 60" high definition Sony Grand Wega SXRD. It's like having our own movie theater in the comfort of our living room!
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Happy Birthday to me!
Sorry I didn't update sooner, but when I was ready to do so, blogger was down. :-)
My doctor's appointment was fine, all was routine. The baby's heartbeat is good, my weight gain is on track (although I am supposed to watch and make sure I don't gain more than a pound a week for the rest of my pregnancy, which would be far easier if our scale was in the realm of accurate). I am bummed out that we can't take the childbirth class offered through our doctor's office, but all the times and dates they have left before Dorian is born are consumed with my classes and family visits. But, I am looking into classes offered through other hospitals and I'm sure we'll find something wonderful. On the plus side though, we are signed up for a breastfeeding class in January. And yes, I do mean *we*. Trevor gets to come to the class too!
My next appointment is in early December and it is a big one - glucose test and another ultrasound! Yippee!
My doctor's appointment was fine, all was routine. The baby's heartbeat is good, my weight gain is on track (although I am supposed to watch and make sure I don't gain more than a pound a week for the rest of my pregnancy, which would be far easier if our scale was in the realm of accurate). I am bummed out that we can't take the childbirth class offered through our doctor's office, but all the times and dates they have left before Dorian is born are consumed with my classes and family visits. But, I am looking into classes offered through other hospitals and I'm sure we'll find something wonderful. On the plus side though, we are signed up for a breastfeeding class in January. And yes, I do mean *we*. Trevor gets to come to the class too!
My next appointment is in early December and it is a big one - glucose test and another ultrasound! Yippee!
Monday, November 06, 2006
Psst . . . he has a name
Yes, after much debate, we have named the baby. I have received a lot of advice from a lot of moms about whether or not you should tell friends and family the name you have selected, but we're big blabbermouths, so I can't really keep it secret. If you are a family member or a friend and you're not fond of the name we selected, honestly, keep that to yourself. It's not that we don't love or value your opinion, but it was hard enough for us to find a name we both loved and we're not changing it now.
So, the name we chose is Dorian Remiel Huston. For the curious, yes, I have read "The Picture of Dorian Grey." Yes, I do know it ends badly for that Dorian. I have great faith that our Dorian will be fine and not follow the path of his namesake. :-) Remiel is the name of an angel and a character in Neil Gaiman's "The Sandman." It is nice to have him named, it definitely gave him a personality.
I go to the doctor on Thursday, so I will update again then. :-)
So, the name we chose is Dorian Remiel Huston. For the curious, yes, I have read "The Picture of Dorian Grey." Yes, I do know it ends badly for that Dorian. I have great faith that our Dorian will be fine and not follow the path of his namesake. :-) Remiel is the name of an angel and a character in Neil Gaiman's "The Sandman." It is nice to have him named, it definitely gave him a personality.
I go to the doctor on Thursday, so I will update again then. :-)
Monday, October 23, 2006
Tummy Picture and Update
I know, it's been a long time since I've updated, but I've been too busy eating to type. Yes, my appetite is back in full force and roughly every two hours I have to have a meal. Which means - drum roll please - I have gained 6 pounds (9 pounds total for the first 21 weeks)! Yippee! I definitely look full-on pregnant now, which is very exciting. I have to say, other than the achiness, fatigue and general pregnancy symptoms, I feel cute and am finally enjoying the pregnancy. Trevor now calls me "Tum." As in, "Hi tum" and "hee hee, look at the tum." LOL. Baby is super active and we have both enjoyed feeling him move around. I do not enjoy his using my bladder as a pillow, but what can you do?
In other news about the baby, all our test results have been stellar - quad marker came back all negative, etc. So, we're in good shape. In about 7 weeks we will probably be doing another ultrasound to check in on our little guy! I have been buying up a storm in clothes (ah, the joys of ebay - I've been able to get really cute, expensive stuff relatively cheap). The adorable jungle animals that my grandmother is painting for the nursery have been sketched and my dad has started cutting them out. I am so excited about these animals! They're fabulous!
I leave you with a pic of the belly for your viewing pleasure. The sweater obscures it a hair, but you get the idea.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Picture Overload
So, here are some pictures that I've been meaning to load. The first one is us with the sonogram technician.
And here are some from the nursery. Our crib with bedding set. The walls in the nursery are green, a light springy green and the ceiling is pale blue with subtle white clouds. Also, the changing table with a massive pile of boy clothes on it. Yes, I went shopping. :-) And my favorite thing, our Fisher Price Nature Rainforest Waterfall Crib Soother. It plays music and has flashing lights and is just all around fabulous.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
It's A . . .
Boy! Hooray! Here is a scan of one of our sonogram pics. I'll work on getting more up soon. :-)
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Presents!
Warning: completely mercenary post ahead.
If anyone is interested in buying us stuff (LOL) for showers or just for fun, we are registered two places. Babies'R'Us and J.C. Penney's. Both registries are available online and in stores. There are not too many things on the registries yet, but I'm guessing after the sonogram tomorrow we will have oodles more items to add. :-) Also, one thing not on either registry that we do want is a camcorder. We have a fairly spread out family and it would be fun to share all the baby's firsts with everyone near and far.
Well, I'll just beg and run for today, but I promise to post more news tomorrow, post -doctor's appointment.
If anyone is interested in buying us stuff (LOL) for showers or just for fun, we are registered two places. Babies'R'Us and J.C. Penney's. Both registries are available online and in stores. There are not too many things on the registries yet, but I'm guessing after the sonogram tomorrow we will have oodles more items to add. :-) Also, one thing not on either registry that we do want is a camcorder. We have a fairly spread out family and it would be fun to share all the baby's firsts with everyone near and far.
Well, I'll just beg and run for today, but I promise to post more news tomorrow, post -doctor's appointment.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Sick!
So, this week was the first week back at school and I was happy because my schedule this semester is condensed into two days. I teach and take all my classes on Monday and Wednesday. This leaves me the other days to get all my work done for said classes and attend meetings, fret about being a new doctoral student, etc. Unless, of course, I were to get sick . . . that would leave none of the days for doing anything other than being in the bathroom and worrying about having to go to the ER.
Sigh. Yes, from Wednesday night on I was sick, sick, sick. I didn't realize I was sick (versus just worn down, a common feature of pregnancy) for sure until Thursday afternoon. At that point the intestinal flu set in and I was a goner. I am not good with the intestinal stuff. I'm really more of a throwing up girl, so this really threw me for a loop. Because the risk of dehydration is more dangerous when you are pregnant, I was very concerned. Friday night I came a hair's breadth away from waking up Trevor and going to the Emergency Room to get an IV. But Saturday morning I felt a little bit better and with the addition of the highly disgusting pediatric rehydration drink (otherwise known as grape flavored sugar) I appear to have survived. Whew. Unfortunately, in a mere 3 days another 2 1/2 pounds of my baby weight is gone so I will be working hard this week to rehydrate and get the pounds back on.
Less than 3 weeks til the sonogram. :-)
Sigh. Yes, from Wednesday night on I was sick, sick, sick. I didn't realize I was sick (versus just worn down, a common feature of pregnancy) for sure until Thursday afternoon. At that point the intestinal flu set in and I was a goner. I am not good with the intestinal stuff. I'm really more of a throwing up girl, so this really threw me for a loop. Because the risk of dehydration is more dangerous when you are pregnant, I was very concerned. Friday night I came a hair's breadth away from waking up Trevor and going to the Emergency Room to get an IV. But Saturday morning I felt a little bit better and with the addition of the highly disgusting pediatric rehydration drink (otherwise known as grape flavored sugar) I appear to have survived. Whew. Unfortunately, in a mere 3 days another 2 1/2 pounds of my baby weight is gone so I will be working hard this week to rehydrate and get the pounds back on.
Less than 3 weeks til the sonogram. :-)
Sunday, August 20, 2006
3rd Doctor's Visit!
Update from last Thursday's doctor's visit. I have lost 2 pounds, but no worries, weight fluctuation is totally normal in the first trimester. We heard the heartbeat but this time the doctor had to work to keep up with it. Our baby was moving, moving, moving! Everything was fine, just a routine visit. The good news is, I get my sonogram in 4 weeks! We thought it would be another couple visits before we had a sonogram, so I am really excited. The doctor said that since I am slender, we should be able to see the baby and if all the organs aren't fully developed for us to see, we will do another sonogram later. But the best part is, if the baby cooperates, we should be able to find out the sex! Yay!!!!!!
In other baby news, we are developing lists of names. :-)
And I am addicted to the baby category on ebay. Man are there some good deals on there! Fear not though, we're leaving plenty for baby shower buying. ;-)
In other baby news, we are developing lists of names. :-)
And I am addicted to the baby category on ebay. Man are there some good deals on there! Fear not though, we're leaving plenty for baby shower buying. ;-)
Monday, August 14, 2006
A Break from Babies for One Moment
I have nothing new to report on babies, but my next appointment is Thursday, so expect a full report then. However, I read this young woman's story this weekend and was just so blown away by her story. So, check it out. Bring tissues. I am clearly not smart enough to make a real link, but you can cut and paste it into your browser window until I am smart enough to figure out how to hyperlink.
http://www.sfgate.com/alicia/
http://www.sfgate.com/alicia/
Monday, August 07, 2006
Back from Vacation
We are back from a week at Big Bass Lake. We had a lovely time - lots of relaxation and fun.
Not much new to report on the baby front. Some of my symptoms are getting better - I think I have less morning sickness overall and less breast tenderness. My biggest new symptom is that my belly is beginning to grow and I am starting to have to think about maternity jeans. I ordered some from Nordstrom that have a hidden stretch panel. For some reason I am having trouble committing to jeans with a fabric band at the top. I know, I know, eventually I will give in and buy them, but for now I will, hopefully, revel in jeans that still look like normal jeans with a normal waist.
We have talked a wee bit about names. We need to do a lot more talking as all we have so far is two potential boy names and one potential girl name. Think good name agreement thoughts for us.
Not much new to report on the baby front. Some of my symptoms are getting better - I think I have less morning sickness overall and less breast tenderness. My biggest new symptom is that my belly is beginning to grow and I am starting to have to think about maternity jeans. I ordered some from Nordstrom that have a hidden stretch panel. For some reason I am having trouble committing to jeans with a fabric band at the top. I know, I know, eventually I will give in and buy them, but for now I will, hopefully, revel in jeans that still look like normal jeans with a normal waist.
We have talked a wee bit about names. We need to do a lot more talking as all we have so far is two potential boy names and one potential girl name. Think good name agreement thoughts for us.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
2nd Doctor's Visit!
Trevor went with me to the doctor's appointment today, but my doctor was out delivering a baby. It ended up being fine though, we saw a lovely midwife who was awesome! I've gained 4 pounds, which I blame entirely on the fact that I now am eating 6 smallish meals a day and never skipping a meal, unlike before I got pregnant where I ate fairly sporadically. Anyway, the midwife said 4 pounds was good. Yay!
The most important thing was that we got to hear the baby's heartbeat! We weren't sure if we'd be able to because it's still a little early so it was extra exciting to hear the strong little pounding heart. I wanted to cry from happiness, but didn't want to move or shake and potentially mess up the sounds. Trevor is not so much the excited type, but I could tell he was really excited too. It was amazing and really made it seem real. I just kept thinking, "hey, there really is someone in there after all!" Makes all the nausea seem worth it now!
The most important thing was that we got to hear the baby's heartbeat! We weren't sure if we'd be able to because it's still a little early so it was extra exciting to hear the strong little pounding heart. I wanted to cry from happiness, but didn't want to move or shake and potentially mess up the sounds. Trevor is not so much the excited type, but I could tell he was really excited too. It was amazing and really made it seem real. I just kept thinking, "hey, there really is someone in there after all!" Makes all the nausea seem worth it now!
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Good News / Bad News
The Good News - Friday the semester is over. yay! No more 9am class for me. Hooray!
The Bad News - Despite the fact that we have the world's best insurance, they may not cover much more of my anti-nausea medication. Boo.
The Bad News - Despite the fact that we have the world's best insurance, they may not cover much more of my anti-nausea medication. Boo.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
The OTHER New Baby
Woo Hoo! I bought my first brand new car today! Love it! It's a Toyota Matrix, what they now call a "Crossover Utility Vehicle" but we old schoolers call it a spiffy sporty version of a station wagon. It's zippy and cute, but also very roomy and baby and dog friendly. I am so happy! I have named her Sassy. Yay!
Friday, July 14, 2006
Yesterday
Yesterday was our anniversary. Four years together is a lovely thing.
All here is well. I feel pretty decent much of the time. The heat seems to affect me a lot more and I get tired so easily, but not having the burden of constant nausea goes a long way toward making me feel better. 2 weeks until our next doctor's appointment. Also 2 weeks until the end of the summer semester and the start of our annual Big Bass Lake vacation. I'm not sure how the drive is going to be on me but I am really looking forward to being up at the lake this year. It will be nice to just be for a while.
All here is well. I feel pretty decent much of the time. The heat seems to affect me a lot more and I get tired so easily, but not having the burden of constant nausea goes a long way toward making me feel better. 2 weeks until our next doctor's appointment. Also 2 weeks until the end of the summer semester and the start of our annual Big Bass Lake vacation. I'm not sure how the drive is going to be on me but I am really looking forward to being up at the lake this year. It will be nice to just be for a while.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Brand New Day
Today is the first morning in three weeks when I haven't had to lay in bed slave to Saltines and Sprite. I say again, yay pharmaceuticals!
Friday, July 07, 2006
Pill-Poppin' Mama
I apologize for the lack of posts for the last week, the fact of the matter is, most days I simply felt too poorly to write anything other than whining. The morning sickness really amplified this past week to the point where it started in the middle of the night and lasted most of the day. As the days went on I was less able to eat and more likely to vomit. Pleasant, huh? However, due to the wonders of modern medicine, I was able to call my doctor and get on an anti-nausea medication that has made me feel like a human being again. I felt torn about this. On the one hand, I hate having to take something during pregnancy. However, when it came right down to it, the other hand, the one that knows that if I can't eat or function I am not doing myself or the baby any favors, won out. Yay pharmaceuticals! I may yet survive the first trimester!
Friday, June 30, 2006
The First Trimester: Woe and Wonder
I think many people don't spend much time talking about their first trimester. Most likely this is because it is conventional wisdom to wait to tell family and friends that you are pregnant until the first trimester is past and you are widely recognized to be through the "danger zone." Trevor and I recognized that by telling our immediate family and close friends right away, we were taking a calculated risk, but we're blabbermouths and keeping it to ourselves in the case of phone and face-to-face conversations with those people was simply not feasible. As a side effect this means that many people, outside of just Trevor, are having to live with day by day updates on my first trimester angst. I apologize for that and I hope that I can get some of it out of my system here so that the next time someone asks me "how are you feeling?" I can comfortably lie and say "fine," knowing that if they read our blog they are aware that "fine" is not in the first trimester vocabulary. Here, for your general amusement, is a recap of more appropriate first trimester answers to the dreaded "how are you feeling?"
Nauseous. Read as every morning. Worse the past few days than it had been before. Pregnancy has its own weird kind of nausea. The kind that is not helped by throwing up or by doing anything, other than pretending it is not happening, consuming way more saltines than any normal human being should and laying around in the morning, "to digest" which sort of makes me feel like a lazy housecat.
Tired. Here is where I am feeling ripped off. All these pregnant women have told me that in their first trimesters they were super tired and slept 20 hours a day. Great. I love sleep. Bring it on. But, alas, while I have the enormous fatigue and seem to turn into a pumpkin at 9:30 or so, I have not had more than 7 hours sleep in a night since becoming pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I am not per se complaining about 7 hours, I am just pointing out that there is a huge distance between 7 hours sleep and 20 hours sleep. A distance magnified when you spend an additional 45 minutes of your 7 hours on trips to and from the bathroom. Now, I would be fine with my measly 7 hours if I weren't fatigued all the time, but I am tired, and yet unable to nap or get an obscene amount of sleep at night. Sigh.
Moving on to the good stuff:
Fascinated. Even the bad symptoms are fascinating. The first few days of nausea are even exciting and adventurous. "Wow! Look what's happening!" It goes a long way toward making the pregnancy seem real. I admit that, even though I yearn to wake up and know I am going to have a full day of feeling fabulous, or even just "normal," each day I am sort of excited to see what my body is going to throw at me. It's easier to feel crappy when you know that the feelings are a part of supporting a new life.
Grateful. Every day I wake up grateful. Even when I can't imagine how I could possibly eat another cracker or I'm having rolling waves of nausea, I am still hyper aware of how lucky I am. I married a person who makes my soul sing. We have good jobs that we enjoy and I am lucky enough to be able to continue on as a student and a teacher because he makes good money and we have good insurance. We just bought a house. A great house, with plenty of room for us and the baby, in a nice neighborhood, in a city that we love. We have two great dogs. I type this as they sit in back of me fighting over a stuffed goose. They may be a lot to handle, but they keep everything lively. We have wonderful friends and family who have always helped, supported, encouraged and loved us. We got pregnant quickly and easily at a time when we are ready, financially and emotionally (as much as you ever can be) to have a child. All of this makes me grateful. So grateful, in fact, that even when I answer "how are you feeling?" with a decidedly unhappy grunt, what I really mean underneath it all is that I feel blessed.
Nauseous. Read as every morning. Worse the past few days than it had been before. Pregnancy has its own weird kind of nausea. The kind that is not helped by throwing up or by doing anything, other than pretending it is not happening, consuming way more saltines than any normal human being should and laying around in the morning, "to digest" which sort of makes me feel like a lazy housecat.
Tired. Here is where I am feeling ripped off. All these pregnant women have told me that in their first trimesters they were super tired and slept 20 hours a day. Great. I love sleep. Bring it on. But, alas, while I have the enormous fatigue and seem to turn into a pumpkin at 9:30 or so, I have not had more than 7 hours sleep in a night since becoming pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I am not per se complaining about 7 hours, I am just pointing out that there is a huge distance between 7 hours sleep and 20 hours sleep. A distance magnified when you spend an additional 45 minutes of your 7 hours on trips to and from the bathroom. Now, I would be fine with my measly 7 hours if I weren't fatigued all the time, but I am tired, and yet unable to nap or get an obscene amount of sleep at night. Sigh.
Moving on to the good stuff:
Fascinated. Even the bad symptoms are fascinating. The first few days of nausea are even exciting and adventurous. "Wow! Look what's happening!" It goes a long way toward making the pregnancy seem real. I admit that, even though I yearn to wake up and know I am going to have a full day of feeling fabulous, or even just "normal," each day I am sort of excited to see what my body is going to throw at me. It's easier to feel crappy when you know that the feelings are a part of supporting a new life.
Grateful. Every day I wake up grateful. Even when I can't imagine how I could possibly eat another cracker or I'm having rolling waves of nausea, I am still hyper aware of how lucky I am. I married a person who makes my soul sing. We have good jobs that we enjoy and I am lucky enough to be able to continue on as a student and a teacher because he makes good money and we have good insurance. We just bought a house. A great house, with plenty of room for us and the baby, in a nice neighborhood, in a city that we love. We have two great dogs. I type this as they sit in back of me fighting over a stuffed goose. They may be a lot to handle, but they keep everything lively. We have wonderful friends and family who have always helped, supported, encouraged and loved us. We got pregnant quickly and easily at a time when we are ready, financially and emotionally (as much as you ever can be) to have a child. All of this makes me grateful. So grateful, in fact, that even when I answer "how are you feeling?" with a decidedly unhappy grunt, what I really mean underneath it all is that I feel blessed.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
The Naming of Blogs is a Serious Matter
I feel that we should get this out of the way now. Trevor named the blog "A Hypothetical You." The hypothetical you referenced is, of course, the baby. I did explain to him that the baby was decidedly not hypothetical, at least not to the one of us who has nausea, fatigue and a variety of aches and cramps. But, I understand his thinking. We are having a baby. The baby is an actuality, a real presence already in our lives - see aforementioned pregnancy symptoms and also the growing stack of books and magazines on pregnancy and babies that we are accumulating. Despite that, all our thinking about the baby at this point is purely speculative - hypothetical, if you will. We don't know if it's a boy or a girl, or what his/her personality will be like. We can read every book in the world, but we still face a lot of the unknown.
Every time I stop to think that this is a whole human being that we are creating here I am overwhelmed. A little person made up of bits and pieces of me and Trevor and our families, but also uniquely their own being with their own tastes, moods and character. It makes me think about the idea of what we leave behind. Whatever else we do, whatever else we may contribute, having a child will be our lasting contribution. It is the legacy that we leave.
So . . . ummm . . . no pressure or anything.
Every time I stop to think that this is a whole human being that we are creating here I am overwhelmed. A little person made up of bits and pieces of me and Trevor and our families, but also uniquely their own being with their own tastes, moods and character. It makes me think about the idea of what we leave behind. Whatever else we do, whatever else we may contribute, having a child will be our lasting contribution. It is the legacy that we leave.
So . . . ummm . . . no pressure or anything.
6 Weeks!!!
According to the fancy 40-week pregnancy calendar that they gave me at the doctor's office yesterday, today is the first day of week 6! Yay!!!!
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
The First Doctor's Visit!
Yay! We're Pregnant!!!! The first month of trying, with moving and family coming to visit, who would've thought we would get pregnant right off the bat?!?! I picked up a pregnancy test on Father's Day, since I had been feeling a little "off" for about a week. Positive. I held off calling the doctor til Tuesday, the 20th of June, the actual day of my missed period, and took a second, positive, test.
The first week after the positive test was rough. I had pretty intense morning sickness, a roller coaster of "new expectant mom" emotions, and lots of fatigue and breast tenderness (more information than you need?). But excitement has taken over and some good advice from my grandmother helped me curb the morning sickness, so by the end of the week, I was learning to take the early symptoms in stride.
Trevor has been amazing throughout it all. Now, I'm assuming if you are reading this, that you have some knowledge of my husband. He is not, as you probably know, an excited dude. But I think, underneath his cool exterior, he is mega excited about the baby. He's been sweet and helpful and he seems to be enjoying reading the "expecting father" books. He makes sure I have protein at night and eat my Saltines in the morning (to help with my nausea). His patience, understanding and love has been truly wonderful for me, especially when I feel overwhelmed. I am a lucky girl.
Today was the first doctor's visit. Mom went with me, which was great because I was a nervous wreck and having her there for support was great! Nothing like a Mom to put the nerves at ease and hold your hand in the waiting room. I saw Dr. Schlichter at the Women's Healthcare Group. I love her. She was absolutely wonderful and super friendly and helpful. I was poked and prodded in all ways and given lots of advice, info and brochures to read. The important things from this first appointment were that I am 5 weeks along and the estimated due date is February 28th, 2007. My next appointment, at the end of July, we are going to try to listen for the heartbeat. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much about that because Dr. Schlichter says that 9 weeks is pretty early to hear it, but just the thought of hearing our baby's heartbeat is . . . well . . . overwhelming.
Perhaps the best part of seeing the doctor today was the sense I got of this pregnancy as something that is really happening. Sure, the morning sickness and fatigue is a constant reminder, but with no growing belly I have spent the last week feeling like a "pseudo-pregnant lady" and slinking around the baby aisles in Target feeling like I was going to be ambushed and kicked to the far end of the store by a mob of "legitimately pregnant" women. That feeling is mostly gone now. I feel excited and nervous and happy, and really, truly, pregnant.
The first week after the positive test was rough. I had pretty intense morning sickness, a roller coaster of "new expectant mom" emotions, and lots of fatigue and breast tenderness (more information than you need?). But excitement has taken over and some good advice from my grandmother helped me curb the morning sickness, so by the end of the week, I was learning to take the early symptoms in stride.
Trevor has been amazing throughout it all. Now, I'm assuming if you are reading this, that you have some knowledge of my husband. He is not, as you probably know, an excited dude. But I think, underneath his cool exterior, he is mega excited about the baby. He's been sweet and helpful and he seems to be enjoying reading the "expecting father" books. He makes sure I have protein at night and eat my Saltines in the morning (to help with my nausea). His patience, understanding and love has been truly wonderful for me, especially when I feel overwhelmed. I am a lucky girl.
Today was the first doctor's visit. Mom went with me, which was great because I was a nervous wreck and having her there for support was great! Nothing like a Mom to put the nerves at ease and hold your hand in the waiting room. I saw Dr. Schlichter at the Women's Healthcare Group. I love her. She was absolutely wonderful and super friendly and helpful. I was poked and prodded in all ways and given lots of advice, info and brochures to read. The important things from this first appointment were that I am 5 weeks along and the estimated due date is February 28th, 2007. My next appointment, at the end of July, we are going to try to listen for the heartbeat. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much about that because Dr. Schlichter says that 9 weeks is pretty early to hear it, but just the thought of hearing our baby's heartbeat is . . . well . . . overwhelming.
Perhaps the best part of seeing the doctor today was the sense I got of this pregnancy as something that is really happening. Sure, the morning sickness and fatigue is a constant reminder, but with no growing belly I have spent the last week feeling like a "pseudo-pregnant lady" and slinking around the baby aisles in Target feeling like I was going to be ambushed and kicked to the far end of the store by a mob of "legitimately pregnant" women. That feeling is mostly gone now. I feel excited and nervous and happy, and really, truly, pregnant.
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