The Angel of Hope

Dear Dorian,

On Thursday, November 30th, your grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer. On Friday, December 1st, we learned that the cancer was fast growing and that immediate surgery was the best option. On Monday, December 4th, my best friend, your grandmother, will undergo a mastectomy. She will do this, take the most aggressive treatment option possible, because she does not want to live in fear, because she will conquer cancer, because she wants to hold you, again and again, as you grow up. She will do this because she is fiercely brave.

Right now, we are all scared. We face uncertainty as to what stage the cancer is at until we receive the pathology report. We face that sensation that things like cancer "don't happen to us." I face the darkest fear possible, that I might lose my mom. And I think of you. And I think of how many years of joy and wonder you will experience with your grandmother. And I feel a renewed sense of faith and purpose and I know that she will beat this, that there is no reason for me to fear that I will lose her. Because I won't. We won't. We will beat this. We will walk this dark path together and we will come out in the light.

I am scared for so many reasons. I thought I knew something about breast cancer. It turns out I know so little. I am scared that my risk is now increased. And I promise, for your sake, that I will do my monthly self-exams every month for the rest of my life. I hope that any woman who reads this will do the same. Please remember, the mammograms are wonderful, but they are not enough.

And I am glad that your middle name will be Remiel, the angel of hope. You give me hope. You give her hope. You are an angel to us.

Love,
Mom